Dedication to Ellen DeGeneres

CH # ? I Dedicate this Chapter to Ellen DeGeneres

Dear Ellen,

My name is Stephanie Gaal. I’m sure you know that now because you probably read who this book was written by. I’m such a genius!

I was at Barnes & Noble one day with my girlfriend Sarah. Our mission was to get some work done, but I continue to ask myself why I go to bookstores to get work done when I never do. I see all these books and I want to look at all of them. It’s a total and complete distraction for me. I need to work on that.

So, in the midst of looking at all these books I found yours. The only thought that crossed my mind was that I was going to buy it. It didn’t matter how much it was or how big the font was or if there were pictures. I knew that, by watching your show and falling in love with the type of human being you are, that I would like your book.

I tried emailing you a couple times. You know how viewers can send you emails that never get responded to? (I’m only giving you a hard time.) Regardless, I did try and after I did it I was like, “Why did I just do that? First of all, whoever checks Ellen’s emails is not Ellen. She’s way to busy for that. Secondly, whoever does check them will be so busy reading thousands of emails that he or she will never have time to respond to them. And third...LY, can’t leave third out, I was emailing you out of self pity. I wanted to come on your show so you would give me money. Ha. So I could pay my bills. Who does that? It wasn’t truly an email asking you to give me money and pay my bills, but it was more so an email that I hoped someone, hopefully you, would read. And you’d feel for me and go “Awwww, we should help this young lady.” Who was I to be so selfish? There are so many other people in this world that are much more deserving of an opportunity like that than I am. I soon forgot about it and continued to watch your show as you invited randoms to come on and help. It always makes me smile.

Soooooooooo, when I started reading your book I was like, “Are you serious, she has a very similar writing style to mine.” What if my book gets published and Ellen reads it and thinks I copied her? Oh boy. Is that plagiarism? Or plagiarellenism? I think I just made up a word. I fell in love with you again. Your book that is. Don’t worry Portia I have a girlfriend who is way hotter than you! Yeah, I said it. I’M SORRY! You’re hot too.

I never stopped laughing as I was reading your book. It’s just so honest, so passionate, so, so...so authentic. Real. The way you write, the way you talk to your readers is exactly what people need to see and hear. The world can be a messed up place, or a wild world says Cat Stevens, but when there are people like you to set thing straight, it makes a person like me believe that there is hope. That we can conquer the world & prove to people how they all need to be just like me and you.

Thank you Ellen for your words, your efforts, and most of all your very genuine heart!

All the best to you, Portia, Mabel, Wolf, Charlie, George, Chairman, Tom, Little Sister, Hannah, Tricky, Holy & Madonna.